Two Approaches To Dealing With The Hurts And Pains In Our Lives

Nobody likes to hurt. Whether it be physically, emotionally, relationally, none of us wake up hoping that in some way we can experience hurt or pain in those areas. Yet, it can also be foolish to think that we can somehow avoid hurt or pain. Interestingly enough though, we do think that there are things we can do to somehow avoid pain and hurt. But, pain and hurt come to everyone. I'm not trying to be fatalistic, it's just that no matter how hard a person tries to avoid pain and hurt, I have never met a person who was able to escape this reality of life. So if it is inevitable, how should we respond when it happens? What is the most healthy way of dealing with pain and hurt?

Let's keep this as simple as possible. We humans usually have two approaches to dealing with the hurts and pains in our lives. The leader of the Reformation, Martin Luther called them "theology of glory" and "theology of the cross". These did not originate with Luther, he just gave them names. And they are as relevant today as they were in the sixteenth century.

"Theology of glory" is a way of trying to minimize difficult or painful things, or rather than face suffering and pain, look past them. When we approach life this way, we acknowledge the cross, but more as a means to and end. Luther said in this mindset "we do not know God hidden in suffering". Therefore we prefer works to suffering, we want glory rather than the cross. This mindset is the default button for all of us addicted to control amid measurement. This perspective puts us back in the driver's seat.

Just observe how people deal with painful experiences and you will be able to see which option they are choosing. Have you ever heard someone dealing with a painful experience say in essence," well, anyway it wasn't good", or "but I've learned a lot from the experience." 

Though both statements may be true, when we go this route we aren't acknowledging the pain and the hurt. We try to make something bad sound good. It is a way that we can avoid dealing with the pain and the hurt. Tullian Tchividjian says that when we are operating this way our faith feels like a fight against our realities instead of a resource for accepting them. I have heard people who have gone through a painful breakup say, "God is leading me into a season of singleness." That is someone who is not acknowledging the pain they are feeling and is trying to spin it into something that they are not feeling. The English Poet W. H. Auden said it so beautifully when he wrote,

We would rather die in dread/Than climb the cross of the moment/ And let our illusions die.

The theology of the cross accepts the difficult thing rather than try to change it or use it. It looks at the pain, and calls it for what it is. It is coming to learn that God is hidden amid all of the hurts and pains of our lives. Those who come to learn this through struggle and despair may actually be among those who best understand the Christian life.

In the theology of the cross we are following the example of Jesus. It takes us away from our default way of doing life and we come to learn the principle of winning by losing. Of course, even in saying that, our old nature will try to use it as a new way for self-improvement and protection. What do I mean? We then try to find hurt and pain in everything because we think if we do we are more like Jesus, and once again it is a way of being in control, and living by the theology of glory.  (I'm so spiritual because I love to suffer.)

The theology of the cross happens to us and in spite of us. It's not something we can manipulate. So often as followers of Jesus we come into contact with those who lead us to the theology of glory instead of the theology of the cross. The Theology of glory may seem easier and make more sense, but it doesn't allow us to be honest with ourselves and with God.When we begin to understand the theology of the cross and rid ourselves of the need to try to always paint smiling faces and not acknowledge our hurt and pain we begin to experience hope.

Troy